


Nothing in this World

by CelticKitten25



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Drunk!Bellatrix, Drunk!Black Sisters, F/F, Kind of a songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-10
Updated: 2019-10-10
Packaged: 2020-12-07 14:33:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20977475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CelticKitten25/pseuds/CelticKitten25
Summary: What happens when you mix the Black sisters drinking a little too much, Hermione getting tricked into a date and Paris Hilton's "Nothing In This World?"





	Nothing in this World

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by a text convo with my brother. It started with "What if Bellatrix got drunk and was listening to Paris Hilton?"
> 
> He said "Oh dear Lord in heaven."

Bellatrix was moping at her kitchen table. Her sisters were smirking into their wine glasses. 

“I want to say, I can’t believe you said that, but I can actually” Narcissa said with a lavish sip of her wine. Bellatrix shot a dark look at her baby sister. 

“Ditto.” Andromeda said as hid her growing smirk behind her glass of wine. 

“Fuck off, both of you.” Bellatrix said as she downed her second shot of firewhiskey. She groaned as she hid her face in her arms. 

Both Narcissa and Andromeda looked at each with grins. 

“Can you...tell us the story...just one more time? Then we promise to help you.” Narcissa said with a slight giggle. 

Bellatrix raised her head, her glare was fierce enough to make a mere mortal man piss his pants, but it only made giggles erupt between her younger sisters. 

“I was angry. She really should stop entertaining that red headed idiot! He asked her out for tea. She came home to ask me if I would be okay to be alone for the afternoon. I said absolutely not, I would never kiss her again if she went! She huffed at me and told me that he understood that we are a couple. I said he’s so stupid that a fuckin’ nargle could outscored him in school. And that he smelled like thestral shit. And that he needs to get the fuck off my woman!” Bellatrix growled. 

“_ Hahaha _...fucking...nargles….” Narcissa laughed so hard she fell into Andromeda. 

“Thestral..._ haha _...shit...oh...fuck...do they even shit?????” Andromeda was turning red from laughing. 

“How the fuck should I know?” Bellatrix whined as she down two shots in a row. 

“Well, you do know she absolutely worships the floor you walk on, right?” Narcissa asked once she recovered to just a few sputters of chuckles.

“Drools all over it in fact” Andromeda mumbled with a smirk. Bellatrix took her fifth shot. 

“I just want that little goblin out of our lives! Every time we have to see them, they all treat me well enough. We get along for Hermione’s sake. Except _ him _ . He glares at me like I'm the a piece of shit. He’s the piece of shit.” Bellatrix downed another shot.  
  
“Have you told her this?” Narcissa said seriously. Bellatrix shook her head. 

“Well, maybe if you could use grown up words she would understand.” Andromeda said with a wicked grin. 

“Even fuckin’ Potter gets annoyed with it! I saw him pulling that fuckin’ jackass off to the side to talk some sense into him last week!” Bellatrix muttered as she held her head in her hand. 

“Well, where are they having tea?” Narcissa asked. 

“Ugh...that stupid place where all the young kids go…” She took her 5th? 6th? 7th? shot. Andromeda and Narcissa looked at each other with dread. 

“I have a bad feeling about this.” Narcissa said as she downed her glass unladylike. 

“Bellatrix, one more shot and we gotta go. We need to stop him.” Andromeda shouted also finishing her drink. 

“Fuck yes! Do I get to fuckin’ hex him??” Bellatrix decided against the shot glass and started chugging the bottle. 

“No! I saw something in a muggle movie once…” Andromeda pulled the eldest Black sister along with her as she whispered the plan. No one was going to ruin Bellatrix’s happiness, not if her sisters had anything to do with it.

***

“Hermione, I am so glad that you were able to meet me. I missed you so much.” Ron said as he drank his latte. He smiled kindly. 

“Well, we have been busy. I’m just sorry Harry couldn’t make it.” Hermione said as she drank her tea. She was actually pissed at herself. All that stuff she told Bellatrix. _ Ugh _. She couldn’t believe she let Ron trick her. 

“Next time we’ll get him. Now, it’s just the both of us.” Ron said as he leaned closer to her. He placed his hand on top of hers. 

“Ronald, what are you doing?” Hermione said as she sat back, pulling her hand away. Ron scrunched up his face. 

“Trying to remind you that I’m the one you’re supposed to be with!!” Ron exclaimed. “I love you, you know we are supposed to be together.” He said seriously. 

“Ron! We kissed once. Just once. It wasn’t even good. I’m sorry, but I just...I don’t love you like that!” Hermione was looking for her bag.  


“Come on, ‘mione...what does she have that I don’t ha….” Ron faltered when all heads turned toward the commotion outside the tea shop. 

Bellatrix was standing in front of the tea shop with her wand up and Paris Hilton’s _ Nothing In This World _ was blasting. 

“What...the..” Ron mumbled with a confused look while Hermione rested her head in her hands as she watched her beautiful girlfriend drunkenly dance in the middle of the street.

Bellatrix summoned her broomstick and twirled it like a mic stand.

_ Da da, da da da da da _

_ Da da, da da da da da _

She caught her embarrassed girlfriend’s eye through the window

_ So I was thinking to myself when you passed me by _

_ Here's what I like _

_ And you were with somebody else but you can't deny _

_ That's me in your eye _

Bellatrix started to sing along with Paris, her voice wavered slightly out of tune but she didn’t care. 

_ Do you know what it's like _

_ When it's wrong but it feels so right? _

Bellatrix closed her eyes and started to grind against the broomstick. 

_ Nothing in this world can stop us tonight _

_ I can do what she can do so much better _

_ Nothing in this world can turn out the light _

_ I'm gonna make you feel alright, tonight _

Hermione’s eyes widened as she continued to watch her dark lover thrust against the broomstick. She smirked. Bellatrix was crazy, jealous, possessive but dammit, she was loyal and loving and would fight tooth and nail for her. Not cast her off to the side when fame and glory came knocking at the door. She turned and looked at Ron who was turning red as his hair. 

“That...That is what she has and you don’t. I’m sorry Ronald.” Hermione stood up and threw down some money for her drink. 

“Do not ever try to do this again or else I will let my wonderful and beautiful witch turn you into a slug.” She patted the boy on the head and ran out to the twerking witch who had now become a wonderful spectacle. She caught Narcissa and Andromeda recording it on Andromeda’s muggle phone. Hermione smiled and shook her head. She absolutely loved her witch’s family even though when they started drinking, shenanigans ensued. 

Bellatrix twerked her way around her broomstick and start to scream the lyrics 

_ Baby, you and I we got what will never be _

_ You know I'm right _

_ So tell me what you're waiting for when you're here with me _

_ Most guys would die _

“Die from embarrassment.” Hermione had stopped behind Bellatrix. Bellatrix yelped. 

“Hermione! Oh you are safe! ANDY IT WORKED!! Hermione!” Bellatrix put her hands on Hermione’s shoulders and looked her straight in the eye. 

“I don’t like how he looks at you and how he looks at me. I love you, you stupid, beautiful, kind, sexy woman. I am madly and crazy in love with you, and I WILL FIGHT HIS NARGLE ARSE FOR YOUR LOVE!” Bellatrix held her broom up as she finished her battle cry. 

Hermione burst into laughter as she pulled the older woman into a tight embrace. 

“I absolutely, fucking love you Bellatrix Black. And Nothing in this world can stop me from doing that.” Hermione whispered into Bellatrix’s ear. 

“Did I win?” Bellatrix asked as she smiled and gazed lovingly into Hermione’s eyes. 

“You have won time and time again, my darling. Let’s go home so you can...give me a private show of those moves again.” Hermione said as she nibbled on Bellatrix’s earlobe. 

“Oh fuck yes!” Bellatrix straddled her broomstick and pulled Hermione on behind her. With her lover’s arms wrapped securely around her, she nodded to her sisters and cackled at the retreating back of one Ronald Weasley. She felt Hermione nipping at her neck. _ Fuck! _

“Take me home, Bella. I want to…” Hermione leaned into Bellatrix’s ear and whispered filthy things making Bellatrix blush. 

“Hermione Granger! Where did you learn those dirty things?” Bellatrix turned and looked back at the girl in wonder. 

“I would rather show you what else I know….” Hermione started to say as Bellatrix kicked the broom and off they went. 

Narcissa and Andy watched with open mouths. 

“Please tell me you recorded all that?” Narcissa whispered. 

“It’s going to be the Yuletide movie this year. I’m calling it ‘Bellatrix twerks her way between Hermione’s legs’”. Andromeda whispered back. 

“Shit. I left my shit at her place.” Narcissa groaned. 

“I hope they warded their room...or put a sock on the front door.” Andy said as she and Cissy started walking back to Bellatrix and Hermione’s cottage. 


End file.
